Before taking any action, it is important that you understand what domestic violence is and how it affects victims. According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, domestic violence (also referred to as intimate partner violence I(IPV), domestic abuse or relationship abuse) is a pattern behaviors used by one partner to maintain power and control over another partner in an intense relationship.

Domestic Violence includes behaviors that physically harm, scare, or threaten a partner. It also includes preventing a partner from doing what they wish or forcing them to behave in ways they do not want. The abuse may take the form of physical and/or sexual violence, threats or intimidation, emotional abuse, and economic deprivation. It is also important to keep in mind that abusers and victims can be men and women alike, so don’t dismiss a situation just because it isn’t what you expect.

Many of these different form of domestic violence/abuse can occur at any time of the same intense relationship. The following data describes the different forms of abuse:

Physical and Sexual Violence

● Using Coercion and Threats:

○ Making and/or carrying out threats to do something to hurt her/him
○ Threatening to leave her/him, to commit suicide, to report her/him to welfare
○ Making her/him drop charges
○ Making her/him do illegal things

● Using Economic Abuse:

○ Preventing her/him from getting or keeping a job
○ Making her/him ask for money
○ Giving her/him an allowance
○ Taking her/his money
○ Not letting her/him know about or have access to family income

● Using Male Privilege:

○ Treating her/him like a servant
○ Making all the big decisions
○ Acting like the “master of the castle”
○ Being the one to define men’s and women’s roles

● Using Children:

○ Making her/him feel guilty about the children
○ Using the children o relay messages
○ Using visitation to harass her/him
○ Threatening to take the children away

● Using Intimidation:

○ Making her/him afraid by using looks, actions, and gestures
○ Smashing things
○ Destroying her/his property
○ Abusing pets
○ Displaying weapons

● Using Emotional Abuse:

○ Putting her/him down
○ Making her/him feel bad about herself/himself
○ Calling her/him names
○ Making her/him think she’s/he’s crazy
○ Playing mind games
○ Humiliating her/him
○ Making her feel guilty

● Using Isolation:

○ Controlling what she/he does, who she/he sees and talks to, what she/he reads,
where he/she goes
○ Limiting her/his outside involvement
○ Using jealousy to justify actions

● Minimizing, Denying, and Blaming

○ Making light of the abuse and not taking her/his concerns about it seriously
○ Saying the abuse didn’t happen
○ Shifting responsibility for abusive behavior
○ Saying she/he caused it